


Tony Stark, Parenting 101

by smolderpression



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Kid Avengers, Kid Loki (Marvel), Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolderpression/pseuds/smolderpression
Summary: After an incident with a certain mischief loving god, the avengers (and said god) are turned into children...Everyone except for, Tony Stark.Chaos ensues. But everyone is so cute, Tony can't scold them with a straight face.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First mcu fic! Heres some fluff to cure my IW feels.

Mornings were the worst.  
Especially mornings before coffee.

So Tony Stark was reasonably, quite mad when Loki decided to attack New York at 6:01 am.  
On a Saturday.

So the Avengers assembled lazily, Clint only had 3 bows, Natasha had a terrible bedhead and Tony insisted on getting  
a cup of coffee before suiting up.

-  
Ït’s like I’m not even a threat anymore.’  
‘Go back to where ever the hell you came from and please leave us alone so we can eat breakfast！“ Yelled an angry Tony Stark.  
“Brother! Stop your foolish nonsense and return to Asgard with me, please.” Thor pleaded. Loki pretended not to hear him,  
and exploded a nearby building, just for effect. 

“You are not my brother.” He flips his hair as the rubble blows up into the sky. Thor finally gives up reasoning with him,  
and rushes towards Loki with Mljonir raised. Loki barely stops the attack with a shielding spell.

“You should have gone for the head.”  
With that, Loki casts an unknown spell towards Thor and the rest of the avengers.

The last thing he sees is green light backfiring at him from Captain America’s shield.  
-  
Tony Stark woke up with a headache. Which is actually quite normal for him, being an alcoholic. This time,  
When he awoke he saw rubble and beneath it, a bunch of crying children.

His Iron Man instincts kicked in and he flew over, pulverised the rubble and scooped up the children. Speaking of  
children. Where on Earth were his team mates?

Then it dawned on him.

Now, he really, really, really needed a drink.

-  
“What is this? Unhand me, thy foul beast! My father will hear about tis!” The tiny blond kicked Stark’s leg for the tenth time this morning.  
“Also tell him he has bad breath.” Whispered Loki.  
Surprisingly, Thor was the annoying one. Not like he wasn’t annoying as an adult, it was just quite surprising for Tony that  
all Loki did was cower behind his brother and whine. He was actually quite adorable as a kid. Tony also  
realised that his eyes are green, not blue. Weird. He was sure that Loki had blue eyes when he attacked New York.  
His eyes were emerald green now, they shone, unlike those cold blue eyes.  
Another shocking thing was how close Loki was with Thor. Thor did mention how his brother wasn’t always evil, but  
Tony still had a pretty tough time believing it. Loki and Thor were now inseparable. Also, Loki actually calls Thor his brother now.  
‘Maybe there was a way to keep Loki like this,’ thought Tony. ‘Some insane shit must’ve happened to make this cute kid a genocidal maniac.’

“Excuse me, sir, do you know where my mother is? And where am I, may I ask?”  
“Caw Caw! Caw ca-“  
“Please don’t hurt me, mister.”  
“ You’d better tell me vere I am, or I vill nout hesitate to stab you vith this… fork.”  
“The Allfather shall not let you go lightly for kidnapping the heirs to Asgard! Also, my brother says you have bad breath!”

Even though the tiny avengers plus resident villain looked like first graders now, they were still pretty powerful. And scary.  
“Okay kids… chill out… Nat, put that fork down, please. I’m not going to hurt you guys. I swear. I found you… uh… and I’m your uncle?  
Yeah. Me. Uncle. Your uncle Tony, and also, I’m very rich. And I’m taking care of you guys.”

Kid-Loki snorted. “That is obviously a lie. At least for me, because our uncle does not look like… that.”  
Tony Stark was very offended. “Okay, you kids were dying underneath some falling building, and I saved you. Happy?”  
The tiny avengers nodded. 

“Oh, and how old are you kids? I… am trying to find your parents.”  
“I’m Steve Rogers and I am nine years old!”  
The captain was really skinny. Like, really skinny. And he was wheezing. Oh crap. Oh crap.  
“Wheres my inhaler?” He puffed. “Jarvis, see if there are any inhalers in the Medbay, quick.” Yelled Tony. He faintly remembered  
Cap talking about having asthma from before the serum. Thankfully there were some inhalers in the Medbay.  
“I’m Clint and I like birds! And arrows!” He exclaimed. Tony gave him a pat on the head. He was so cute. Tony  
Guessed he was also nine years old. “This is my friend Natasha!” Clint pointed to the young redhead. She glared  
daggers at Clint, but shrugged and said, “I am nine years old.” Her Russian accent was showing. But that made her even more adorable! Thought Tony. 

“If you hurt me, I vill not hesitate to kill you. In your sleep.” 

Tony backed away. He saw Bruce standing alone in a corner, looking at his thumbs. “Hey, B- uh kid, how old are you?” “Oh, I’m eight.” He stated. “Um, and my name is Bruce Banner.” He still wasn’t making any eye contact.  
Weird. 

“Kind sir, I am Thor of Asgard. This is my younger brother, Loki, also of Asgard. Also, I am in need of sustenance.”  
So. Cute. “How old are you guys?” Tony asked. Probably nine years old again.  
“I am 560 centuries old.” He paused. “Probably twelve in Midgardian years, assuming this place even is Midgard.  
“Same.” Muttered Loki.  
Ah yeah, these kids needed food.  
-  
“Jarvis, what do we have in the fridge?”  
“Loki is in the fridge.”  
Wait, what? Hold the fxxx up. All he did was leave the kids alone for five minutes.

A very confused Tony Stark marched up to the kitchen. It looked normal, until…

“Food fight!” Yelled Clint, dropping from the ceiling. Natasha threw a tomato at Tony from the vents. Tony guessed  
It was Natasha. He was too scared too see closely. Loki then bust open the fridge door and started throwing random  
Foods at Tony. Thor was yelling something in the distance, but Tony was too busy having cheese in his ears to hear  
him. Even Bruce, who was usually anxious and shy, joined in on the food fight. The only person not fighting was  
Steve. All he did was sit there and giggle. Finally, Tony cleared all the food off his face and starting yelling profanities.  
Then, Steve looked worried.”Guys, we should stop and get out of here.” Thor continued throwing food at Tony, while  
everyone left the kitchen. “Good luck Thor!” Loki winked before running away with the others.

These kids were NOT cute at all. They were complete devils. Tony wanted to murder someone.  
This day could NOT get any worse. Today was the best and worst day of his life.  
Then Pepper Potts came in.

“Uh… Tony? What happened?”  
Nevermind, this was definitely the worst day of his life.  
===


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might make this Loki-centric angst in sooner chapters, or do you guys want more fluff first :3?

“So you’re saying the Avengers and Loki are now nine year old children. Except for you for some reason.”  
“Thats pretty much it.” Shrugged Tony. “Also, its probably because of my suit. Maybe iron blocks magic or something. And, Thor and Loki are twelve.” He continued drinking coffee.  
“Oh my god, Tony you idiot.” Pepper sighed. “What can I do?” Tony looked deep in thought for a moment. “Well our kitchen is trashed, so maybe get someone to fix that. And, uh, I guess kids need clothes? What else? Toys, uh… pocket money. Oh my god Pepper. We need to give them pocket money. Wait, what about school. Oh. My. God. Pepper. School. School. Schooooo-“ 

Pepper Potts facepalmed internally, how she put up with this idiot, she has no idea.  
“One thing at a time please. So, clothes. I’ll buy some later. I’m pretty sure we don’t have to give them pocket money, and if they ask we can always ignore them. As for school,” Pepper winced. “We could… just… not tell anyone about these kids and get away with it. Shield shouldn’t know either.” Tony nodded. That was fine, half the stuff they did was illegal anyways. “What about tonight? The kids are hungry.” 

“We could always eat out. I’ll clean the kitchen later. It can’t be that bad.” Pepper consoled Tony. Tony shook his head. It WAS that bad. “Theres also a supply of tomatoes in the vents. Do not ask. Natasha.” Pepper imagined the scenario. She couldn’t suppress a laugh. Tony grumbled.  
“Jarvis, are there any good restaurants nearby? Hopefully with not a lot of people?”   
-  
“Children, Mr. Stark requests your presence in the living room now.”   
Thor raised his hammer. “Who is there? Speak! Do not hide, coward.” “I am Jarvis, an AI. I have no body so I can’t ‘show myself.” Loki nodded. “Like a spirit? Never heard of you.” Steve sighed, “We should probably go, Uncle Tony is probably mad at us.” Bruce shivers. He has had a rough childhood.

Natasha crosses her arms. “Well, that would be obvious. That he is mad.” She had a hard time translating Russian to English. “We have good hiding spot. There is no need to leave.” Clint crossed his arms and tried to look menacing too, though he was really hungry. Very hungry. Food. 

Steve’s stomach grumbled. “But I’m starving.” Thor raised his voice. “Yes, I too, like Steve of Rogers, require substance. “ Loki covered his ears. “Fools, we are going to starve if we don’t go. We can take on your uncle or whoever easily, like we did before. So we could always arm ourselves in case he does get mad and does anything rash. I say we have a second plan, just in case he does. But we should get out of this place. Its really hot.” Loki pointed out.

Finally, Natasha agreed with Loki. She spoke with a thick Russian accent. “Yes, we can do that.” Clint nodded and tried harder to look menacing.   
-  
“Tony, these kids are adorable.” Squealed Pepper. Thor was planting compliments about ‘Fair lady Pepper’ , Steve was asking Pepper questions about the modern world, Natasha was letting her braid her hair and Clint was telling Pepper about birds very enthusiastically. Meanwhile, Bruce and Loki sat with Tony. Tony groaned at all the attention Pepper was getting. “They’re not adorable when they impale you with blocks of cheese at high speeds while screaming loudly!” 

Everyone giggled.   
“Sir, I have found a restaurant matching your needs.” Said Jarvis. Thor jumped. “Show yourself! Moronic coward! Only a fool hides!” Loki told his brother to shut up. Everyone laughed. Tony said cheerfully, “Alright kids, we’re eating out today.” He paused. “Since you trashed my kitchen. Jokes on you, I’ll buy a new one.” Pepper reminded the tiny avengers to behave. They looked up at her with puppy dog eyes and angelic smiles and said yes. Both Tony and Pepper melted in adorableness. 

Pepper laughed, “I’d never thought I’d say this, but Loki is very cute.” Tony agreed. The kid had such nice green eyes, with a mischievous glint to them. Unlike those cold blue ones, dark and empty. It was really weird. “I thought he hated Thor?” Pepper asked. Tony shrugged. They arrived at the restaurant. 

“Remember your promise to Pepper, you’d better behave.” Tony turned around to face the children. They were all so cute in their new avengers-themed clothes. Especially since the clothes were a little bit oversized. Tony was sure that Thor swapped clothes with Loki. It was really cute.   
-  
They ate at some Chinese place. It was decent. When Thor finished eating his noodles, (in two minutes) he looked shocked and said, “This food… I like it!” He paused. “Another!” While everyone else still had more than a half left. 

“So, uncle Tony, is Pepper your wife?” Asked Steve. Pepper blushed and Tony looked flustered. “Uh. No, why would you think that? “ He replied. ‘Not yet anyways.’ He thought. The kids chucked. Steve looked embarrassed and said, “Nothing, its just that you two are really close together!” The rest of the meal consisted of the kids asking Tony random questions and Pepper telling everyone to wipe their mouth every two minutes. 

Afterwards, someone recognised Stark and started taking pictures of him with the kids. Bruce noticed and told Tony about it. “Son of a-“ Pepper’s glare was very intimidating. “Bad person.” He continued.   
Bruce asked Tony why people were taking pictures of them. “Its because I’m a famous person.” Replied Tony, “Now we should probably leave.”   
-  
Finally, it was bedtime. 

Clint, Bruce and Steve were the only obedient ones. Everyone else resisted.  
“Uncle of my new friends! I do not want to go to bed. I am not tired, and I wish to continue gazing upon the moving picture box.” Thor shouted. Tony cried inside. Kids were a huge responsibility. “I do not wish to retire to my chambers.” Was all Loki said. He was absolutely starstruck with America’s new top model. “Oh Norns, girl, it’d be a surprise if you weren’t eliminated as soon as you step foot on that catwalk.” He muttered. Natasha nodded. “Yes, that is not good. Very last season.” 

They were really cute but Tony needed them to go to bed so he could get a drink or two. “Please go to sleep.” He begged. Finally, Thor got bored and went to the guest rooms they were staying in. However, Loki and Natasha just wouldn’t sleep for gods sake. “Come on, Loki, even your brother is asleep.” 

“Exactly! His snores would kill me. Also, I’m still watching this show.”   
-  
In the end, Tony had to promise to give Loki and Natasha a starkphone they saw on television before they went to sleep.

Now even Tony needed sleep. He was too tired to even get a drink.  
He fell asleep on the sofa.

=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, kudos and comment!


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am surprised that people are actually reading this! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

“Uncle Tony! Uncle Tony! Wake up!” 

For a while, Tony thought yesterday was just a very weird, very realistic dream.

Apparently not.

“Sir, Loki is in the fridge again.”   
Maybe THIS is the dream.   
He went back to sleep.  
“Sir, Thor is eating his hammer. And Clint is building a nest on the Avengers sign outside.”  
Wait, on the sign out-  
How is he not dead?!  
Tony woke up with a start. “Jarvis. Time” he groaned. “It is currently nine o’clock in the morning.” 

“You should probably stop Clint.”   
Right. Naughty kids. Tony put on a random shirt and staggered to the living room. “Kids, what on earth do you think you’re doing?! And how did Clint even get to the Avengers sign? Outside?”   
Cue giggling from Natasha. 

Tony had to suit up and fly Clint off the Avengers sign, clean up his nest, teach Loki the use of a fridge ( “But I like the cold!”) , give Loki and Natasha those phones and confiscate Thor’s hammer. 

And most importantly, he had to deal with Nick Fury.   
He clicked decline on every single phone call. Tony Stark was not in the mood to deal with all this. Too much drama. And stress. Pepper had a press meeting so she couldn’t even stay and help.

This was going to be a long day.  
-  
“Alright kids, wanna watch a movie?” 

“I want to choose!” Yelled Clint. He was a feisty young boy. ‘Hm? Hunger games.’ Thought Tony. Áh yes, birds and archery.’ However, wouldn’t it be a little too violent for a few kids? Maybe they can watch a random Disney movie or something. 

Surprisingly, Thor wanted to watch The Lion King. However, Tony scrapped that idea because of…  
You know, Scar and Mufasa. And Natasha wanted to watch Anastasia for some reason. Probably because of the Russian redhead protagonist. Immediately, the boys groaned. “Princess movies are boring!” Yelled Bruce. He was pretty agitated. Best not have him get angry, just in case the green guy comes out. After moments of arguing and temper tantrums, they finally settled on Star Wars.

-  
“Darth Vader is stupid.” Loki pointed out. “His plans make no sense at all. Why would he build a planet just to explode it?” Loki continued giving criticism to the movie, a bunch of the other kids adding other comments as well. “Wars aren’t like this!” raged Steve. “They’re much more terrifying.”   
“Why does the fate of the world fall onto the hands of a few teenagers? “ “Yoda is ugly.” Tony Stark was slightly annoyed but he kept quiet. How dare those kids talk about Star Wars like this.

After a Star Wars marathon, the kids were quite hungry so Tony had Jarvis cook them some food. “These popping tarts… they are delicious!” Loki ducked instinctively. “ANOTHER!” Screamed Thor as he threw the empty bowl to the wall. Bruce screamed. “That almost hit me!” Thor shrugged. Steve reprimanded Thor. “Yeah, Uncle Tony will be angry at us for breaking his stuff.” 

“So?” Thor stuck his tongue out. He was not afraid of Tony Stark. Even if he did not have his mighty hammer, he still had the ability to control weather to some degree. The sky outside filled with black clouds. Loki groaned. “Just hide the shards somewhere and stop arguing before it starts to rain.”   
“I already did that.” Natasha beamed. “Tony will never find them.” They hi-fived. 

Tony Stark was working on his new suit in the lab. The kids should be okay, Jarvis is looking after them. He looked at the clock. The hands pointed to five thirty. Huh. Maybe he should check on them.  
Time passes quickly when he’s in the lab. 

He went upstairs, fearing for the worst. However, it was quite peaceful. Steve was still eating his sandwich, Clint was shooting rubber bands at Thor when he wasn’t looking, Bruce was talking to Jarvis, Natasha was playing some sort of game on her phone and Thor and Loki were her play.’

“This is the form of entertainment Midgardians have?” Exclaimed Thor, “It is so violent and competitive! Asgard would love it! And no one gets hurt for real, except for their feelings!” Loki contemplated life. “Theres a sniper behind you.” Nat shot him. 

“Whoa, Natasha.” Tony walked over to them. “Holy sh- cow, how are you ranked number one on the leaderboard already? Did you just win a tournament? And Loki is second on the leaderboard?”   
Loki looked grim. “Natasha threw a hand grenade at me. I am betrayed.” Tony was in shock. He had heard a bunch of other people talk about how hard this game is. Then he saw something that made him laugh. “Wait, Loki, your username is Lowkey-thebest? And Natasha… your username is 1willk1llyou? “ 

Thor grunted. “I want the Midgardian Steel Rectangle with insanely violent entertainment too!”   
-  
That was a bad mistake. 

Soon, all the other avengers wanted a phone. So Tony had to buy a bunch of phones. Money wasn’t an issue, but it was pretty annoying hearing them whine. “I’ll buy it tomorrow! Let me sleep god dammit!” They finally stopped and went to bed.

Tony was just about to go to sleep when he heard a knock on the door. It was Loki, and he looked kinda scared. “I can’t sleep.” He muttered. ‘How cute.’ Tony thought. “Uh. You can sleep on my bed?”   
Loki nodded. “I had a… I had a nightmare.”he mumbled. “I was- I was killing people.” He sniffed. Tony started to sweat. Wait, he’s having dreams of his memories? Are the others having those dreams too? 

“Its alright.”   
The young god finally fell asleep, but Tony Stark was worried. 

Stupid anxiety.  
=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants the plot stuff to begin?

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudos and comment˜


End file.
